Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
