It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
