it hurts more in the daytime
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize