i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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