for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've blown a few things in my day
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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