Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
