hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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