He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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