So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
