a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
