My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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