just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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