My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
