So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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