next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
