my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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