dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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