# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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