Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
