There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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