You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He shit in the fireplace
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