I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
