I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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