Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize