I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
