I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
