So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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