I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize