Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
