Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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