The maid of honor just puked.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
