i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
