she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
