I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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