and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
