The maid of honor just puked.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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