I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
