hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
