the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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