Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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