I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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