I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
