His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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