My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize