i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
