It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
