Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
