I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
