before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
