Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
