I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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