it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
