they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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