Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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