She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
