I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Who died my cat blue again?
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