We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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