hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
as a side note pls kill me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
