New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Randomize
