shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
