The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
