i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
