There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
