mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
