Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
