he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize