Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
