He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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