Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
