ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
