thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
