You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
