Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
