i was born a porn star she said
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
