Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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