Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
