I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize