the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
