she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
